Happy Birthday To Me: A Pathology

Every year-around mid of February, weeks after all the hustle and bustle of the holidays and new year festivities have gone, I begin having birthday anxiety that lasts over the next several months through May. It's a silly pathology triggered by childhood memories.  When in high school, It seemed that all the other parents made arrangements to showcase a sweet sixteen party. These were extravaganzas to showcase beloved spoiled daughters a full day to star in a dedicated spotlight of preemptive adulthood. Not I.  The pressure of not having a coming out party haunted me thereafter.

It was my twenty-second birthday, and a year had gone by that I realized I missed out on another special celebration to mark reaching the legal age of twenty-one. Anxiety began again. My fear was that this was the beginning trend of horrors in not ever having a grand celebration. The anxiety went away for seven years and returned when I turned twenty-nine and since repeats every ten years. 

What's so 'happy' about birthdays anyway?  It is simply a redundant statement thrown onto a card with multiple colors of ink, thousands' stamped and pressed after killing a tree and all this to say, 'Happy Birthday?'  Not all birthdays are so happy; there are those you remember and some you want to forget. Age 3 and 93, the celebration is not for you but for the adults needing an excuse to party.  Everything in between is a roller coaster of highs and lows.     

The term is a trillion-dollar business, and that has certainly made someone happy or just filthy rich. But why can't the adjective be something else other than 'happy' like merry or joyful; fluffy or funky; gay, artsy or fartsy?  Why does 'happy' have to describe a birthday when a happiness is subjective, or is it?  I’m surprised Kris Jenner or Kim has not attempted to copyright the phrase.  Some people just have to have everything!

  

Another year of fantasizing about the big celebration and still no surprise party for me, not even a mini celebration.  And as I do every year, I will be content with a few, cheap and free acknowledges through social media and the ones that come in an envelope on the remnants of multi-colored dead trees, and I can count on one hand.   At least, someone bothered to buy a stamp.   Now that I am done with toiling and ranting over what makes birthdays so happy I cannot complain with yet another year, and that is reason enough to be happy.  Besides, I'm not trying to draw attention to growing older.  By the way, to those who sent me a happy birthday greeting - thank you very much.   Anyway, Happy Birthday to me.

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Awakening Your Truth

"Truth is powerful and it prevails"- Sojouner Truth 

Sunday morning the phone rings. I pick up the phone, and on the other end is a dear friend who called to say that she was thinking of me. It was the day after the Women’s March. We talked about who attended and shared our excuses for not attending. We both agreed that the March was important to show a collective stand. However, we both had exchanged our deeper analysis of social conditions in America and why we each stayed away which may have left us with feeling some sort of guilt.  

After ending this conversation her words resonated with me, “Just stand in your own truth.” This statement repeated in my thoughts as began to process the many interpretations of its meaning that applied to my life. The most relevant and important interpretation was the truth in this moment. The reality of my truth became evident; which I have avoided by the many convenient distractions as afforded by modern technology. My excuses are common to most; coming home tired from working every day, watching drama and reality TV to help numb out my own reality, or becoming ill and simply doing nothing because I need to ‘recover’ are only excuses to avoid my truth.  

I had been feeling a bit annoyed and angry about a relationship that never failed to disappoint when my sister-friends’ words gave me light.  There are many difficult relations, close and distant with persons perhaps at the job, a neighbor, local or national politicians, family members, or persons with a few degrees of separation that are broken and in states of dysfunction that may never be repaired.   But we don’t have to remain a victim of those relations in absent of respectability; nor do we have to remain a victim of our own thinking.    Know that we can immediately free the mind when we shift our attention on our own truth; which cannot be one steeped in bitterness of the past nor of any present condition that is temporary. 

Don’t get caught off guard because bull-crap is all around and will cause distraction from any place at any time.  Here are a three way to help gain focus and channel positive energy towards living your truth.

1.  Begin first with stepping away from toxic people and environments that keep you engage with day-to-day distractions.  This only serves in keeping the mind reactive and sedated in anger.  It is ineffective, un-empowering and unhealthy.
2.  Meditate and not medicate.  Find your own truth through quiet soul searching. Identify what brings you joy perhaps through a talent or activity.  There are things you can focus on daily that make life gratifying and help to manifest peace. 
3. Be deliberate about a purpose.  Allow yourself to have a purpose in life and don’t generalize it.  Do not simply state ‘my purpose in life is to just be happy,’ rather, challenge yourself to be specific.

These three things helped to alleviate psychological burdens. You can choose to support a cause and be a part of collective change from a distant; or you can choose not to participate. If your soul and conscience are not at ease, then it is at dis-ease and you need to find your truth about the matter.

Your truth can quickly and easily fade in the background of other people’s b**s** and sometimes self-imposed. That is not to say that general movements are not legitimate causes.  There are times when we need to put aside our personal issues and stand for something greater. However, when the individual voice has been muted by superficial surroundings, anger and resentment cultivates. When we are ready to stop blaming others, or look for excuses and reason to be mad; we can take responsibility for our personal self-worth, happiness and achievements that require discipline and dedication.

The only importance is to live in your individual truth. Once you can stand in your own truth, only then you can stand for others. I am confident that outcome will be life gratifying and fulfilling. 

This is awakening your truth.

Sonja 'Song Bee' Brooks

A Resolution For Happiness

Happy New Year!  And what's so happy about it? Ask yourself, is true happiness based on past circumstances when things were once a certain way?  Or is happiness based on hope that lies in the future, and always beyond the reach of today?  Happiness is a gem that is hidden in the promise of right now.

What are some of the resolutions you announced before the world and shared with everyone?  What about the one you said to yourself,"This year such n'such is going to happen for me"?  Millions of people wait for change to happen months and years down life's road rather than to initiate it, while the other million formalize their resolutions for change every new year; which, somehow is supposed to make it 'official.'  Oh really?  

Did you know that 68% of Americans make conscious resolutions at the beginning of every year to change,  stop, to start, get rid of, or acquire something that they don't already have?   Americans possibly rank highest among the most discontented in the western hemisphere.  By mid-year, 44% will stick to the end goal and year end just 8% will achieve it.  Often when we want to change something, it is an external condition that is displeasing such as your surroundings or an outer appearance.    An alternative method and far more effective way to begin experiencing immediate change is to approach it from within.

Change occurs when we actively shift our perception.   Accessible to all is the ability within our being to unleash the power to manifest happiness by taping the inner focal point of our being.  The trigger to releasing positive energies will absolutely influence the outcome.  Training the mind how to overcome vulnerable states of emotions and quickly shift from disappointment to acceptance; anger to calmness or sadness to gladness becomes easier through practice.  We can experience life through a range of observations that are simplistic to amazing.   So why not say to yourself now, 'this is the day that such n'such happens for me' and state only the absolute intention.

Don't allow yourself to become caught up in a consumer fog,  in the clever marketing of 'change' brands.  Nor let yourself fall into the trappings of subliminal commercialization that suggests continuous spending on things that are temporary is the only way to attain happiness.  The ultimate change begins from within, and that's where you will find true happiness.

Happy New Year!

by Sonja B

"Attitude with Sock Appeal"

Attitude is the single biggest factor in how happy you are.
While you can certainly change your attitude toward life and become happier, it is not as simple as just repeating, "I am happy. Life is good. I am happy." Positive affirmations have a role to play in creating a happier life, but they are woefully inadequate by themselves - to the point of deserving the ridicule some have heaped upon positive affirmations. Actions to become happier in life

1. Begin Today. Take a step toward your Life Goal today

2. Persevere - Have Commitment.
Happy people don't give up or waver. You may choose to change your goals. You may choose to change your tactics for reaching your goals. But persevere and stay committed.

3. Hold your Intent (also called Intention).
There is power in affirming, "It will be thus." There is power in speaking your Intent to the Universe. Trust and affirm your Intent for the future. Speak your Intent (or prayer) with gratitude for something that certainly will happen rather than hope that something might happen.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
~ Wayne Dyer

Wear attitude like a pair of socks. In a little time they will smell; wear them too long and they will stink. You can throw them away or wash and make them fresh with a little 'sock appeal.' After a while, the stink is sure to follow.
~Redd Sonja, The Vibrant Woman @H3

I Ain't Afraid of No Troll

“A wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim.” Maya Angelou

Comedian and Actress Leslie Jones has received enormous publicity lately and not for her comedic talents. Ms. Jones became the target of racial terrorism and social bullying. The fact is that it doesn’t matter how great, fabulous, beautiful or funny you are to be a target. So don't look now, but lurking behind you is a mobile app of popularity or success in life is a troll. From a child in grade school or a student attending high school or even a comedian at the peak of your career; no matter the age, you can be subject to be confrontation by a troll. And at any age or circumstance, how you handle the matter is predicated on what you chose to tell yourself.

Trolls and bullies are one in the same only with different methods of harassing behaviors. They pounce on opportunities to deliver malicious rumors and catapulting insults like a pie throwing contest in an arena that appears safety and comfort of fingertips at a keyboard and ass possible on a toilet while dropping terms like putrid feces from a rotten gut. Yes; these are disgusting beings clinging to a life void of attention; namely yours. Unfortunately, for some who find success in the workplace or a career, they are more subjected to random or a sudden barrage of attacks. The goal is to shatter your foundation of belief. First thing to re-anchor yourself in a solid belief system; repeat a series of statements or read a chapter from your favorite motivational book that helped you to achieve the success you have today. Be mindful and still to stabilize yourself from these attacks. You must be aware of why you became the target. The hurtful comments are simply mirroring the attackers’ ignorance, jealousies and inferiorities.

How do you handle an orchestrated campaign of attack by trolls? ‘What do you chose to tell the word and what do you chose to tell yourself?’ Here are a few statements by some famous people who at some point in their careers dealt with trolls.

Napoleon Bonaparte said, “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”
If there's something strange in you twitter feed Who you gonna call?
Troll Busters
If there's something weird And it don't look good
Who you gonna call?
Troll Busters
I ain't afraid of no Troll

You Go Gurl!

Got Talent? Use It or Lose It!

Out of clutter, find simplicity. Albert Einstein

You’ve heard it before. Cherishing and holding on to something and never using it is a milder form of hoarding. You can be a functional hoarder accompanied by a host of disorders associated with OCD and a variety of fears and emotional anxieties. So here're the tests:
Ask yourself: “Do I have ... Cluttered spaces that I plan to organize one day? Items unused visible, hidden or somewhere collecting dust? Piles upon piles of clothing in closets, floors, in boxes? Overstock of beauty and make-up items that you seldom use? Items you’ve been saving for a rainy day for more than two years? An ‘I’m going to get to it’ to-do-list, and nothing gets checked off as completed? What about obsessing over ‘something for special occasions’ year after year, yet that special occasion never happens?

And the list goes on. If you recognize any subtleties, then you are secretly suffering from a mild to extreme case of hoarding. What’s the point or purpose? YOLO.
So it became clear to me, the other morning I was rushing to get dressed for a meeting when I accidentally bumped into a tri-fold sundry travel case that has been hanging from my bathroom cabinet over three years. It has become a fixture and contains some of the same items since I hung it there. The bag contained some precious perfume samples and other items that I had been saving for a special occasion that I had completely forgotten about. I unintentionally bumped into the bag, and all the glass bottles fell on to the tile and broke releasing the most delightful and pleasant aroma. It frustrated me, because I never got a chance to use it for that special occasion. All I have now is the beautiful aroma each time I enter my bed and bathroom all over the bathroom.

A switch went off. This experience came to me as a reminder that we too often and unsuspectingly slip into the hoarding zone that is not restricted to material possessions. We also become hoarders of gifts that get smoldered over time by fears, work, kids, and more excuses. What a waste! Clean out the closets, dump that crap you’ve been holding on to forever or use it; like the signature purple plates you listed on your first wedding registry. So what, you’re not married any longer, use it or get rid of it.

Got talent? Your gifts and talents are more important that the crap collecting dust in under your bed or the miserable job; where you've been stagnated. Get rid of the crap that blocks you from being you or fulfilling your divine purpose. Make a drastic change now. Go full force. Clean out the cobwebs. Often, hoarding is just another way to avoid finding happiness. It allows you to stay stuck in a state of unhappiness. Don't waste time. Stop making excuses, do something about it today. Dare to initiate change. Be fearless. Have a brave heart. Use it or lose it.

Sonja Brooks, H3

SPIRIT HOP #1. Serendipity - ST. Augustine Episcopal Church, Oakland, CA

The day I first visited St. Augustine was November 8, fall of 2015. I drove past this church for several years with a bit of curiosity or a flashing thought about how rough the area appeared.  The church is located on the corner of Telegraph Avenue and 29th Street; which happens to be just down the street from a homeless encampment under the 980 highway. For the past eight years, I have driven by with a negative and short-sighted opinion about the area and location, not knowing anything about the church or its people and never paid much attention until this day. The banner that hung outside caught my attention that read Jazz Sundays, so I decided to check it out.

The church building itself is small yet inside it is very beautiful with a deep red wood throughout.  It is a historical landmark that was built in 1890. There are about 130 members, and a choir made up of approximately eight or nine persons. There are two services 8am and 10:30am, which comfortably accommodated members and new guests. As usual, I arrived at the last minute. Congregation had already begun, and the choir was signing the opening hymn ‘We Gather Together.’ You know the church is small when you open the door and a flood of sunlight spills in when you enter, and everyone looks up at you; new and arriving at the last minute. Ok - Awkward! I quickly scampered in and grabbed a seat to the rear and closest to the door. 

From my seated position, I could really see how small and very beautifully the church was preserved. It was fall harvest. The center aisle was decorated with dried large bamboo leaves and plastic flowers that arched and connected the pews on each side to commemorate the festivities. The quaint environment was charming and intimate with the décor. It reminded me of being in a Tiki lounge, except without the flaming cocktail with an umbrella hanging from the side of the glass. Tiki would not be far from appropriate since Tiki is Polynesian mythology of the first man or a carved figure of a deity.  I soon discover that the Jazz is held on the 4th Sundays, so I missed it.

The minister is a quite handsome elder with mingling of grey and black curly hair; Dr. Rev. Kwazi Thornell. His voice is forceful and his demeanor smooth. He greets everyone and instructs us for the first reading: Ruth 3:2-5; Psalms 127, Hebrews 9:24-28. We kneel and pray; kneel and pray; kneel and pray; a practice very similar to Catholicism. They congregation sings ‘I’ve Decided to Make Jesus My Choice,' and I ab-lib.  The congregation is multi-culture and multi-ethnic with Anglo, African-American, Latin, Caribbean, African and they are extremely hospitable and friendly. After the sermon, the church hosts a reception of food and drinks in the community hall behind the main building. I attended and met more of the members; most of whom have been in the community for a very long time. I was certain to return again, and I did in February 2016.

It was February 21, 2016-second Sunday in Lent. I normally avoid First Sundays as a visitor because I am never comfortable with unknown customs of other church communions. Nonetheless, communion is practiced here on the second Sunday, so I rise and get into line following the couple sitting on the left of me in the pew when instructed by the usher. While in line, I join the choir in the song ‘What A Friend We Have,’ with the customary ab-libing and making my way to the front as communion began.

When I arrived at the alter, I followed suit with everyone and kneeled down. At this time, my stomach is growling very loud when the assistant pastor handed me the wafer. I placed it on my tongue. My stomach growls again, and my only thought is what am I going to eat once this is over. Here comes the grape juice. The brass goblin is placed before my lips. I sip and discovered it was wine! Wow, cool! However, I was hungry as hell.  So on this occasion immediately following service, I proceeded directly to the community hall to eat and fellowship with the members.  

I was overwhelmed by their hospitality.  They gave me flowers, a visitor package.  They provided tea, coffee, various sweets and cakes, including baked and fried chicken and salads.  I even received a gift coffee cup with a picture of the historic church.  My belly was full, I received an outpouring of love and hospitality.  I am sure to return soon if they will tolerate my ab-libbing of songs.   Thank you St. Augustine's Episcopal Church of Oakland, whose motto is 'Going Forward In Faith.'